What a few weeks.

Why, oh why just when you think the year is settling down to be a normal one does the universe conspire to unsettle and upset you. It started with the news that my Uncle had died. He had been ill , but I hadn't expected it anywhere near as soon. It was a shock.
Uncle harry had always treated me like one of his own. I was an only child and they had five children. In their house there was always something going on, laughter, games and openess. Harry was equally proud of my achievements as he was of those of his own brood. If I had to choose another father I would have chosen Harry. Don't get me wrong... I love my own father dearly and wouldn't swop him (more on Dad later)... but if I liken it to the Queen having two birthdays , one official and one unofficial.... or taking and extra name at holy communion so you have one official and one unofficial... then that was my wish for Harry...(an unofficial father). He was the opposite of my father and I suppose that gave my safe and quiet life a healthy balance.I can't count the amount of times over my young , and not so young life, that I wished I belonged to their tribe. Harry made me feel as though I belonged but in truth I really just stood on the edge... As I did at the funeral. They all had each other in their grief and I stood at the edge being quietly eaten up by mine. Oh I gave them all hugs and we said the usual.. must keep in touch, go out etc but we are adults with our own lives in our own places and I know , as has always happened after events such as funerals, the keeping in touch lasts for just a short while then slides back into the way it was before.
Added to the pain of Harrys death is the fear of losing my father and all it's implications.
I am an only child, I have no-one to help me with my parents. They have quite a strict code of not letting emotions show or upsetting the other. They have made themselves an Island and no one gets a ticket to cross over without first agreeing not to rock the boat.....
But that's another story and I am off for a walk today (we didn't walk on tuesday)to hopefully clear my head and bore Carolyn senseless with my worries and problems... Don't worry , it's not all one sided she tells me hers too....
Yesterday was the first anniversary of the death of my husbands youngest brother from a brain tumour. The day has left me with would could turn out to be a migraine. At the beginning of february I thought that would be the only black spot/ obstacle to get over . But, dear reader, it has turned out to be just one item on a long list of black spots/ obstacles.
When I have some more time I will continue with my tale... until then ( in the manner of scheherazade ) I will leave you to your day and continue later.