Hanging around

I have discovered that hanging around the first class lounge for 2 and half hours on a Monday morning , waiting for the train from euston to Preston is a great time to write !!! They also serve brilliant pain au chocolate .
#am writing

What a few weeks continued

Had a lovely 11 mile walk along the canal and back around the fields and now to continue my story. ........

A few days after Harry died I took Mum to the shops she cried in the car because Dad had slurred and his mouth had dropped down at the side the day before and he won't go to the Drs or talk about it and she certainly didn't want me to talk to my Dad about it and said she shouldn't be telling me. I noticed dad had trouble with his hand and arm on the day Harry died.
Spooky isn't it. That the story I wrote for my assignment was about a stroke victim and because I knew nothing about strokes I researched. So when I saw him rubbing his hand and holding his arm funny I latched on to it and asked or he wouldn't have said anything. That morning he had gone to Blackpool on his own, so when I phoned mum to tell her about Harry he wasn't there. But he didnt go to Blackpool he got off the bus in Preston and came home... He didnt know about Harry then , there was no reason to come home. He said he felt mean leaving mum on her own but he's been out all day before !! I am suspecting that he didnt feel well and came back because he knew it wasn't the norm. He won't tell us though if he feels ill. Seven or so years ago they didnt tell me mum had her stroke till 4 days after it. She had been in a train station when it happened and they didnt phone an ambulance for her they just got a taxi home.
So I added up speach + mouth + arm and got possible stroke??? Worried about Dad I ended up emailing their gp and asking if they could maybe send him a letter asking him to come for a routine check for the elderly and not to let on that I have told them anything because I promoised mum I wouldn't. If they know I've interfered they wont tell me anything again. Mums been in tears over it and its upsetting her tummy but dad hates Doctors and hospitals and wont go off his own bat.

The doctors surgery did write to my Dad and he has ignored it.

The day before the anniversary of my brother in laws Death I woke up about 6am. I felt the need to send Reiki to my husbands remaining brother. I don't know why but I followed my instincts and sent reiki for an hour even though my shoulder, arm and hand kept going dead/numb and uncomfortable. I left it until 8am to text his wife and ask if everything was ok cos I'd had the feeling to reiki Ste. She started to cry... It appears that my bro in law had got his lift to work an hour earlier that day and they had been in a head on collision not far from work at around 6.45am. A driver 3 times over the limit had driven into them at over 50 mph. The front passengers were just in shock, Ste and the other back passenger had been hurt. His Shoulder, arm and hand needed an xray. The other back passenger had been taken off to hospital on a spine board and she is still in hospital. They said it could or even should have been much worse. Police said they were really lucky. I just thank the universe for waking me up to send Reiki.

And yesterday... The first Anniversary of hubby's Bro's death...was a sad day and consequently with all the tension of the last few weeks it ended in a blinding Migraine....

The walk was refreshing, the sun shone and I didn't notice the wind too much. I'm off to pour myself a Gin and tonic before another round of ' in-law ' visiting.

What a few weeks.

Why, oh why just when you think the year is settling down to be a normal one does the universe conspire to unsettle and upset you. It started with the news that my Uncle had died. He had been ill , but I hadn't expected it anywhere near as soon. It was a shock.
Uncle harry had always treated me like one of his own. I was an only child and they had five children. In their house there was always something going on, laughter, games and openess. Harry was equally proud of my achievements as he was of those of his own brood. If I had to choose another father I would have chosen Harry. Don't get me wrong... I love my own father dearly and wouldn't swop him (more on Dad later)... but if I liken it to the Queen having two birthdays , one official and one unofficial.... or taking and extra name at holy communion so you have one official and one unofficial... then that was my wish for Harry...(an unofficial father). He was the opposite of my father and I suppose that gave my safe and quiet life a healthy balance.I can't count the amount of times over my young , and not so young life, that I wished I belonged to their tribe. Harry made me feel as though I belonged but in truth I really just stood on the edge... As I did at the funeral. They all had each other in their grief and I stood at the edge being quietly eaten up by mine. Oh I gave them all hugs and we said the usual.. must keep in touch, go out etc but we are adults with our own lives in our own places and I know , as has always happened after events such as funerals, the keeping in touch lasts for just a short while then slides back into the way it was before.
Added to the pain of Harrys death is the fear of losing my father and all it's implications.
I am an only child, I have no-one to help me with my parents. They have quite a strict code of not letting emotions show or upsetting the other. They have made themselves an Island and no one gets a ticket to cross over without first agreeing not to rock the boat.....
But that's another story and I am off for a walk today (we didn't walk on tuesday)to hopefully clear my head and bore Carolyn senseless with my worries and problems... Don't worry , it's not all one sided she tells me hers too....
Yesterday was the first anniversary of the death of my husbands youngest brother from a brain tumour. The day has left me with would could turn out to be a migraine. At the beginning of february I thought that would be the only black spot/ obstacle to get over . But, dear reader, it has turned out to be just one item on a long list of black spots/ obstacles.
When I have some more time I will continue with my tale... until then ( in the manner of scheherazade ) I will leave you to your day and continue later.