Hanging around

I have discovered that hanging around the first class lounge for 2 and half hours on a Monday morning , waiting for the train from euston to Preston is a great time to write !!! They also serve brilliant pain au chocolate .
#am writing

What a few weeks continued

Had a lovely 11 mile walk along the canal and back around the fields and now to continue my story. ........

A few days after Harry died I took Mum to the shops she cried in the car because Dad had slurred and his mouth had dropped down at the side the day before and he won't go to the Drs or talk about it and she certainly didn't want me to talk to my Dad about it and said she shouldn't be telling me. I noticed dad had trouble with his hand and arm on the day Harry died.
Spooky isn't it. That the story I wrote for my assignment was about a stroke victim and because I knew nothing about strokes I researched. So when I saw him rubbing his hand and holding his arm funny I latched on to it and asked or he wouldn't have said anything. That morning he had gone to Blackpool on his own, so when I phoned mum to tell her about Harry he wasn't there. But he didnt go to Blackpool he got off the bus in Preston and came home... He didnt know about Harry then , there was no reason to come home. He said he felt mean leaving mum on her own but he's been out all day before !! I am suspecting that he didnt feel well and came back because he knew it wasn't the norm. He won't tell us though if he feels ill. Seven or so years ago they didnt tell me mum had her stroke till 4 days after it. She had been in a train station when it happened and they didnt phone an ambulance for her they just got a taxi home.
So I added up speach + mouth + arm and got possible stroke??? Worried about Dad I ended up emailing their gp and asking if they could maybe send him a letter asking him to come for a routine check for the elderly and not to let on that I have told them anything because I promoised mum I wouldn't. If they know I've interfered they wont tell me anything again. Mums been in tears over it and its upsetting her tummy but dad hates Doctors and hospitals and wont go off his own bat.

The doctors surgery did write to my Dad and he has ignored it.

The day before the anniversary of my brother in laws Death I woke up about 6am. I felt the need to send Reiki to my husbands remaining brother. I don't know why but I followed my instincts and sent reiki for an hour even though my shoulder, arm and hand kept going dead/numb and uncomfortable. I left it until 8am to text his wife and ask if everything was ok cos I'd had the feeling to reiki Ste. She started to cry... It appears that my bro in law had got his lift to work an hour earlier that day and they had been in a head on collision not far from work at around 6.45am. A driver 3 times over the limit had driven into them at over 50 mph. The front passengers were just in shock, Ste and the other back passenger had been hurt. His Shoulder, arm and hand needed an xray. The other back passenger had been taken off to hospital on a spine board and she is still in hospital. They said it could or even should have been much worse. Police said they were really lucky. I just thank the universe for waking me up to send Reiki.

And yesterday... The first Anniversary of hubby's Bro's death...was a sad day and consequently with all the tension of the last few weeks it ended in a blinding Migraine....

The walk was refreshing, the sun shone and I didn't notice the wind too much. I'm off to pour myself a Gin and tonic before another round of ' in-law ' visiting.

What a few weeks.

Why, oh why just when you think the year is settling down to be a normal one does the universe conspire to unsettle and upset you. It started with the news that my Uncle had died. He had been ill , but I hadn't expected it anywhere near as soon. It was a shock.
Uncle harry had always treated me like one of his own. I was an only child and they had five children. In their house there was always something going on, laughter, games and openess. Harry was equally proud of my achievements as he was of those of his own brood. If I had to choose another father I would have chosen Harry. Don't get me wrong... I love my own father dearly and wouldn't swop him (more on Dad later)... but if I liken it to the Queen having two birthdays , one official and one unofficial.... or taking and extra name at holy communion so you have one official and one unofficial... then that was my wish for Harry...(an unofficial father). He was the opposite of my father and I suppose that gave my safe and quiet life a healthy balance.I can't count the amount of times over my young , and not so young life, that I wished I belonged to their tribe. Harry made me feel as though I belonged but in truth I really just stood on the edge... As I did at the funeral. They all had each other in their grief and I stood at the edge being quietly eaten up by mine. Oh I gave them all hugs and we said the usual.. must keep in touch, go out etc but we are adults with our own lives in our own places and I know , as has always happened after events such as funerals, the keeping in touch lasts for just a short while then slides back into the way it was before.
Added to the pain of Harrys death is the fear of losing my father and all it's implications.
I am an only child, I have no-one to help me with my parents. They have quite a strict code of not letting emotions show or upsetting the other. They have made themselves an Island and no one gets a ticket to cross over without first agreeing not to rock the boat.....
But that's another story and I am off for a walk today (we didn't walk on tuesday)to hopefully clear my head and bore Carolyn senseless with my worries and problems... Don't worry , it's not all one sided she tells me hers too....
Yesterday was the first anniversary of the death of my husbands youngest brother from a brain tumour. The day has left me with would could turn out to be a migraine. At the beginning of february I thought that would be the only black spot/ obstacle to get over . But, dear reader, it has turned out to be just one item on a long list of black spots/ obstacles.
When I have some more time I will continue with my tale... until then ( in the manner of scheherazade ) I will leave you to your day and continue later.

A Coastal walk and a sad week for our family.

Had a lovely but cold walk today. It was a bit last minute , but when my friend suggested a walk today because we missed our Tuesday walk, I jumped at the chance. My Uncle died late on Tuesday and I have felt the loss in many ways. Today I took the opportunity to have fresh air clear my head with an 8 mile walk along the coast

I can't believe I have never been to see these Gormley guys before
. Funny how you never investigate your local area but always look to go farther out to places for outings.

When I first heard about these guys I wondered what all the fuss was about, and as I hate over hype of any sort I avoided going to see them.

Today I came across them by accident.... I had forgotten they were there and also hadn't realised how far we had walked. They were a great sight. There was also evidence of scouse humour / vandalism , where someone had painted on swimming trunks and arm bands on one of the men ! When it is a better day weather wise I will take my camera back there for some better photos.

As promised part of my TMA 01

                                                       Frustration

She squeezed her eyes and shifted awkwardly in the hard chair, her usually slim figure had shrunk to a bony thin frame and the lack of fat around her buttock cheeks made sitting in the waiting room uncomfortable.

   She was still feeling vexed with the receptionist. The girl had reluctantly turned away from telling her colleague about her weekend, and then ignoring Elizabeth, had directed all questions and information to Paul.

  A voice inside her screamed at the girl, ‘Talk to ME, I’m in front of you, I understand, it is my appointment for God’s sake.’ But she couldn’t say anything and instead had shrugged in exasperation, waved her hand dismissively at her husband meaning, ‘you sort it out’ then sat down.

  The lighting in the room was unnaturally bright. She fidgeted with the rings on her numb hand, listened to the incessant paging of the Doctors and the matter of fact discussions of the medical staff. The wheels of a records trolley hissed past on the tiled floor and the automatic doors swooshed open to let more patients through. The room smelled of disinfectant. The therapist was late. She, Elizabeth, had never been late she had always started her lectures on time; she should be there now not sitting in a waiting room full of elderly patients. She caughta few of them giving her a pitying look and once or twice she looked up to find the receptionist staring at her.

  Elizabeth pushed her long blonde fringe from her eyes clumsily with the wrist of her useless right hand, would she ever get used to using her left hand for everything, her glasses fell to the floor and she nudged her husband to retrieve them. He put them gently back on her nose and tidied up her fringe and the sides of her hair as he did so. She tried to say thanks but all that came out was a toneless moan followed by the indignity of drool escaping from the right side of her downturned mouth.

  She was sitting with her head in her cupped hand when the therapist called her name.

  ‘How are you doing Mrs Upton? OK?’

  ‘She’s doing better than I could have hoped for considering how she was last month’ replied

Paul.

  Elizabeth banged her good fist angrily on the table. She was exploding inside. The annoyance from someone speaking for her without knowing what she was thinking or what she wanted to say was burning inside her.   She wanted to say that she was a prisoner; she wanted to explain that ther had been a mistake. She wanted to say that that somewhere somehow the Gods had made a mistake. She was only thirty three years old, this shouldn’t be happening to her.She wanted to say so much but the inability to form words and communicate came out as a throaty ‘Aaargh’ so she lashed out at Paul and turned away.

Then I remodelled it later at a writing workshop.......not sure which I like best.... think I like this better ???

Frustration
Karl sat patiently in the chair whilst Laura busied herself with the morning routine. He watched the children, Ben and Chloe, eat their coco pops and squabble over who would keep the cut out finger puppet on the back of the packet.
  Then he accepted their kisses on his cheek as they left for school when the child minder picked them up from home.
  Laura appeared by his chair, she wiped the dribble that was escaping from his downturned mouth, then planted a light kiss on his lips before helping him out to the car.  He was a little unsteady on his feet but he was determined not to succumb to a wheel chair.
  The waiting room at the clinic was already filling up. He stood by the reception desk with Laura and when the receptionist glanced at him but addressed Laura, he wanted to shout ' it's my appointment' but he gave a shrug and went to sit down.
  The chair was uncomfortable and he shifted awkwardly in it. The waiting room was filled with elderly patients. What was he doing here. Why him ? The therapist was running late. He had never been late for work. Lateness is a sign of sloppiness. No room for sloppiness in his business.
  His fringe flopped in his eyes and he tried to push it to one side with awkward movements from his jerking wrist. he needed a haircut. He had his hair cut every six weeks and it had been almost three months since his last visit to the barber and two months since...
   'Mr Lander please'.
  Laura helped him out of the chair and slowly into the consulting room.
  'How are we today', chirped the Therpist.
  'He's doing well, really' answered Laura not looking at Karl.
  In his head words bounced like squash balls of a wall. Angry frustrated and out of control his indifference bowed to a greater superior strength and he banged his hand down on the table between the Therapist and Laura.
  Startled they both turned and gaped at him.
  He wanted to say that he could answer his own questions. He wanted to say that he was a prisoner in this body. He wanted to say that none of this should be happening to him, that someone some where had got it all wrong. He was too young. He wanted to tell them that he would be back to his old self soon. there was a lot of things he wanted to say, but when he opened his mouth all that came out was...
  'aargh'.


                                                                                                        copywrite BMC  21.01.11

Busy week.

I didn't go for my usual walk today because I have hubby off sick and 35 ebay items have sold overnight so am busy packing them up ,as they were all 30p to 50p an item I am also wondering if it is all worth it.... then I think of the trip back to Venice that we want to book for next year and I suppose it is.
It's mums birthday this week  so am taking Mum and Dad out for a sight see and a meal on wednesday. They don't drive so when they go out on the bus and train they always get to see the same views, tomorrow I am taking them off the beaten track and maybe end up in Ilkley or similar. I have to be careful that Mum, who is disabled, will be able to walk along the pavements ok or I would have chosen Haworth or Grassington to take them, but with cobbles and hills places like that are not such a good idea.
Then probably off to the cottage at the weekend for hubbys birthday, maybe including a trip to the Lakes or the Dales on the saturday..................or maybe not if it's peeing down.

Yesterday I took up the rest of the lawn ( a big job I started 4 weeks ago ) and aerated it  and raked up more leaves and for the first time in ages I slept well last night.

There has been some discussion on the post A174 forum about putting up our TMA's. I want to develop mine but I think I will be brave and put up part of my TMA 01...... and see what reaction I get.

I have had quite a lot of 'serendipity' moments lately too, so am hoping to find some quiet time this afternoon for a chance to meditate. if anything developes from that I will post it up. Last time I had a period of serendipity the results were amazing and re affirmed my belief in the unseen, elementals, spirit and intuition. I drafted out what happened to maybe include it at some point in a story .

Opposites

I wrote a piece about someone who was so superstitious that it was ruining her life. I wondered what it would be like to write a piece about a character that was totally the opposite. I liked the start of it. Now I am wondering if these two people are related or work collegues , neighbours or..........? may have to finish it now so I can find out.. ha ha ha !


Neighbourly Nonsense

Joan was a matter of fact no nonsense woman, and she prided herself in that.

She was the sort of woman to tread on cracks in the pavement and walk under ladders on Friday the 13^th. So when she was given a lucky rabbits foot as a gift from Amelia’s trip to Bonnie Scotland she was not impressed.

“It wasn’t lucky for the sod of a rabbit “she quipped when she opened it. “What do I do with a thing like this. Waste of money Amelia, you could have put it towards a nice bottle of scotch. Now that I could use ! ”

Amelia had no doubt of that.  Joan had developed a taste for it several years ago and was becoming far too reliant on it as a relaxant after a days’ work.

                                                                                                                       B M C 13.02.11